We can blame the world at large, the environmental pollutants, the chemicals in the food or water that we are victims of, but in the end we put the stuff into our months and bodies.
Below is a reference to a flipchart from a seminar called Money & You, which I attended in 1985 was this:
What does the flip chart mean? Well, a large majority of people on this planet live in the world of Denial – dismissing life’s experiences as mere coincidence. Often these people live in victim-consciousness where everything happens to them and none of it is their fault. Their marriage dissolves and they are shocked when their partner walks out, despite usually years of hinting or nagging or begging for things to change! They do not take responsibility for anything that happens. Their world is black and white. You are born, you exist, and you die!
Imagine there is a line above Denial, which means that when people begin to get conscious they move above the line. Let’s use the analogy of babies … they are not mobile to begin with, they crawl and then stand up; they fall over a lot before they start to feel confident in their footing. Well, humans are a bit like that and just because people move out of denial doesn’t mean they are responsible 100% of the time. They start out justifying why things happen, e.g. an important document didn’t make the express post last night. Tom, The Justifier says, “I asked Sam to take it the post office for me so it’s his fault.” (Even though it was Tom’s responsibility). Then there’s the other overused one, lay Blame which looks like this: “Well, if my mother/father/church/school/partner hadn’t done “this” to me, I wouldn’t be reacting the way I am now. It is all their fault!”
Now imagine there is yet another line above Lay Blame and that means that conscious people eventually move above that line and into Responsibility which is the ability to respond to whatever comes up from the perspective of accountability for everything that happens to you …. and that means Everything!
After 50 years in the world of Consciousness, believe me it would be so much easier to be unconscious and blame others! Seriously, it is a very deep internal turn-around that happens when we realise that everything that happens to us is a part of our “story” arising from our past and we need to take responsibility for all of it – the mental, physical, emotional and spiritual experiences that bring us pain and joy and everything in between. We actually need to begin watching the movie rather than being the star of it! (As much as many people love the drama of their lives, it does become exhausting eventually on everyone … even the movie star!) If you are in the movie you can’t actually· change any of it whereas if you are watching it and a particular scene is not to your fancy, then you can re-write the script, because you are the director, producer and the main star of your life. This requires Self Responsibility (not to mention a lot of work).
Where do you begin in actually taking responsibility? Well, look at your life and assess it:
- Are your relationships less than fabulously loving and connected with your partner/family?
- Do the same patterns keep showing up in your life?
- Do you have challenges with money, health or work?
- Do you often have tantrums and lose it?
- Do you withdraw and mope?
If you answered ‘yes’ to any of the above, then, join the club … you have work to do! Now at least you are conscious enough to know that something isn’t right and you can move toward fixing it. My beliefs are that Responsibility is something that brings me closer to my Authentic Self and I strive every day to be that, to the best of my ability.
Let’s start at the beginning shall we? In-utero experiences – from conception, through to birth and early childhood – influence our lives enormously so if you were not wanted, the wrong sex, if you were caesarian, forceps, a twin, etc., then all these variances add up to a pattern that you will undoubtedly see repeated at intervals throughout your life. Now the choices you have are many, but in essence only two! You can ignore it all and blame someone or something else or you can take responsibility for what you created and then set about changing your consciousness and thus your life.
Let’s start with the science of epigenetics, which clearly proves that you are at the effect of your environment, not your genes, or your DNA. (I covered this a tiny bit in the first report found on www.theveritasmagazine.com). So, if your environment was not a happy, loving, all-encompassing one, (and whose was?), then your subconscious mind made a decision. It may have disconnected you from your heart, your mind or your will, resulting in you not feeling loved, not feeling good enough or feeling that you have no choices in life. This in turn then affected the health of your body and eventually your body will react with symptoms to force you to look at what you have suppressed so you can heal it. It is like the headache that becomes a migraine is a part of your physical body, which is saying to your conscious mind: “Please pay attention to me, there is something I need from you.”
There is a ton of literature out there on the effects of various birthing procedures and how they affect not just ourselves, but how we do relationships. One of the most important things we can heal is our own birth. After all, just because we can’t remember it, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen and much of who we are can be attributed to this.
Then we have early childhood. I think we all need to understand that our world is different from our parents. My parents for instance, were busy attempting to get over the war where they were separated from each other for seven years. They worked to build a life and a business so that I had what they didn’t as children of fairly poor, hard working people. They didn’t understand my needs as a child. If you are not raised with lots of love and cuddles it is hard to give it to the next generation so many of us were raised with a strap or a harsh word rather than a cuddle.
Many adults I work with have memories of being told they were stupid or they couldn’t possibly grow up to be a pilot/ballerina etc. Many children are ignored by their fathers (not intentionally) and thus create partners who, after the rose coloured glasses are removed, ignore them too for work, or for the kids. It doesn’t matter what for really, it matters that we understand it is not about them; it is always about us. As children, our self-esteem becomes eroded and we carry it around like a badge of honour. Marianne Williamson says, “Your childhood lives in the cells of your body and until we heal the child we used to be, we can’t be the adult we want to be!”
So how do we heal ourselves and stop being the three year old child in a grown up body having a temper tantrum with the person we love/work with/are friends with? Take responsibility for your life. Look at where your patterns are repeated and then, like a giant ball of wool, start unraveling the past. My mum used to say that it would be better to leave the worms in the can, but we now know that leaving them there produces health issues including cancer that can be alleviated/cured by close examination and a great deal of inner work and healing.
If we look back, many of us were not allowed to express how we actually felt. How many of you have heard: “Boys don’t cry” or “Stop crying or I will give you something to cry about.” What we learned from these statements was that we should smile and suppress anything chat doesn’t look “NICE”. N.I.C.E stands for: Nothing Inside Me Cares Enough and what we have to learn to do is acknowledge our feelings, all of them, the sadness, the anger, the rage, all of it. Once we understand our feelings are safe, then we can move into responsibility and stop blaming the rest of the world for our experiences. What a freedom that brings!
We are like a liquid tape recorder as babies and children because everything is stored deep in our subconscious – we don’t even know it is there. As adults, a trigger can plug us back into old experiences and we react, often inappropriately. For example, I visit someone I care about, she is baking a chocolate cake, the smell of which wafts through the house. I felt good when I arrived but within moments I am grumpy and start speaking sharply and in a nit-picky way. I have no idea why. I can see I am upsetting my host but I can’t seem to stop myself. Now this can go two ways: My friend can call me on my stuff and ask what is going on or take it personally and revert to being a child herself in which case it will be a terrible afternoon, or I can get out of the movie and begin to observe my behaviour, catch myself before I damage the relationship, apologise and commit to healing the cause.
What was the cause? When I was four years old I was at my grandma’s house and she was baking a chocolate cake, I was running through the house and her dog ran out in front of me, I fell over, broke her favourite, expensive vase and I got such a hiding that I couldn’t sit down for a day without pain. I didn’t cry though, I wouldn’t let her see how much she had hurt me. Thirty-five years later, I have completely forgotten about the incident but the smell of chocolate cake triggered that buried memory and instead of feeling the sadness that I suppressed when I was four, I reacted, which made for a very uncomfortable visit.
The “Course in Miracles” says, ‘Anything other than love is a cry for help’ so when I see someone in pain, in judgment, shut down, hurt, angry, or sad, what I know is that they are crying out for help and the best thing I can do is my best to love them unconditionally.
The entitlement world that we live in does not encourage responsibility. People tend to go to the doctor and say, ‘I’m sick, fix me.” Ignoring the 20 cigarettes they smoke a day, the fast food and packet food they gorge on daily. The question for me is always: “What do I need to do to heal my life, physically, energetically, mentally, emotionally?” We can blame the world at large, the environmental pollutants, the chemicals in the food or water that we are “victims” of, but in the end we put the stuff into our mouths and bodies.
Decide to take responsibility in all areas of your life. If your finances are not good then look to the past to determine where those patterns came from. What are your bottom line thoughts around money? Some people say it is the root of all evil, other people think wealthy people are mean. There are a ton of “beliefs” about sex, money and self that keep us rotating the patterns around like a mouse on a wheel.
It is by far the hardest work you will ever do – unraveling the story of your life, understanding that you did the best you could with the tools you had at the time, and that it is safe to look beneath the surface to truly feel what you once suppressed and to begin to love yourself unconditionally for the gift that you are.
In the end, the result is a life that reflects your authenticity. It will bring with it relationships that work, firstly with yourself so the sabotaging will stop, so too will any victim behaviour, etc., and you will actually be able to observe your past as the greatest gift of your Life. This will flow into your personal relationships where you will create in your life people of integrity who are willing to love you unconditionally. Sure it won’t always be easy sailing but you will have the tools to work through the rough times and come back into smooth waters. After all flowers don’t grow without both sunshine and rain and people are like that too. We simply have to stop judging what happens to us as good or bad. It just is what it is and it is our perception of the event that affects our life, our body and our consciousness.
So keep learning, keep reading, go to seminars … in essence, Do the Work. Don’t give up believing that it can change and be better than you ever dreamed it to be. The Lifeline Technique is one of the most profound ways I know to deeply heal the gap between the conscious and subconscious mind. EFT is another way, Rebirthing yet another. Commit yourself to doing something on a regular basis that will add value to your life and show you a different way to live. The dendrites of your brain actually do regrow and old patterns can be broken and new beliefs can be implemented into your life. The journey will take you into some dark places no doubt that you have successfully buried up until now, but it will also bring the light, which will turn into joy in your everyday moments. Then you can take your Responsibility, which is to love yourself, to be of service to others and to make a difference out in the world and help bring about lasting change through raising the consciousness of everyone you are around.
Enjoy the journey!
- Research the ‘Course in Miracles’ if you haven’t done it already.
- Google ‘EFT’ and download some free material.
- Research ‘The Lifeline Technique’ mentioned in the article
- Identify the personality traits that you have inherited from your parents.
- Reflect on them.
Diane McCann is the facilitator of The Goddess Within and Tantra for Couples.
Published in Veritas, Third Edition, Dec/Jan; pages 48 – 51.
